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Pope Benedict XVI
waves to journalists
as he takes in the panoramic
view from Mount Nebo
In Madaba, Jordan, May 9.
(CNS/Greg Tarczynski)

During Pope Benedict XVI’s apostolic trip to the Holy Land
earlier this month, the pope time and again encouraged the
small communities of Christians living there to remain faithful
to their ancient beliefs and to their homeland. Both are serious
pleas, but the latter especially so in these times. The flight of
Christians from the Middle East has been a serious problem for
decades. Christians, who have shared the Levant with Jews,
Muslims and Druze for centuries, and were once the majority
religious group in Lebanon, are now a dwindling minority in
every region of the Middle East. The phenomenon was a
considerable part of the CNS coverage of the trip.

The cover story of this month’s National Geographic is on the
exodus of Christians from the Holy Land. Don Belt, the senior
editor for foreign affairs, teamed up with photojournalist Ed
Kashi to tell a bittersweet story in words and images on the
“Forgotten Faithful” in the Levant. Their work illustrates the
turbulent history of Christianity in these lands and the hope —
and sometimes hopelessness — that fill the lives of the
Christian families.

The Catholic Near East Welfare Association is a pontifical
agency founded early in the last century to assist the Eastern
Catholic churches and their works, especially in the Middle
East. In this month’s issue of CNEWA’s One magazine, writer
Daoud Kuttab and photographer Nader Daoud take a look at
how one community of Christians, St. Pius X parish in Madaba,
Jordan, works for peace among all peoples in their country.

Madaba is an ancient town outside of the Jordanian capital of
Amman which Jewish and Christian tradition holds as the site
where Moses was buried. In his trip Pope Benedict visited the
town and blessed the cornerstone of a new Catholic university,
the first in Jordan, being built by the Latin Patriarchate with
the support of King Abdullah and the Jordanian government.

Even as Christians depart the Middle East in record numbers,
the work of the church goes on.

Filed under: CNS, clients

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Angels in Heaven
by Marisa Chilton
Update: Wed, 24 Sep 2003

Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2000

When I found this site I couldn't believe it. We are not alone,
unfortunately many others are or have grieved like us.

Here is my story, hope it can bring some comfort to myself and
others.

My husband and I have been married almost 8 years. We have
tried unsuccessfully to have children. When we decided to seek
help, (fertility clinic) we found out that my tubes were blocked,
I needed to undergo laproscopic surgery to repair them. It
made them better, but not 100%. This was done 4 years ago.

Nothing happened until July 1998, I got pregnant. We were so
excited, but we knew we had to be careful, emotionally.
Because of my previous condition, I was at a higher risk for
ectopic pregnancies. When we had the ultrasound done, our
worst fear became reality. The pregnancy was not in the uterus.
My husband and I were devastated. We were finally pregnant,
yet we had to have it destroyed. I had a hard time dealing with
the situation, without my husband's support, I don't know what
I would have done. Slowly but surely, he made me realize that
we can get pregnant, we just needed "more practice". He made
me laugh, and with time we got past it.
A year went by, and when nothing seemed to be happening, we
decided to start infertility proceedings. We met with our doctor,
got all the details. At this time there was a new procedure called
I.V.M.(invitromaturation). The eggs are matured outside the
woman, fertilized, and put back into the uterus. Because the
woman doesn't need to take all those injections, the cost is
much less. This was what we were interested in. We needed to
wait for my next menstrual cycle, and schedule certain tests on
certain days. We waited and waited, no "Aunt Jane". We
couldn't believe it, could I be pregnant?. We rushed to the
pharmacy, purchased a pregnancy test, and yes I was. We
thought this has to be fate. We didn't really have the money for
I.V.M., readily available. We probably would of had to borrow.

Now we didn't need to, we were having a baby. It was the best
Christmas present ever. Family and friends were so happy for
us. We really thought our bad luck was over, nothing else could
go wrong.

We were wrong.

I spotted a little one day (8 - 9 weeks). I contacted the doctor,
and was told if there is no pain and the spotting stops, don't
worry about it. There was no pain, and the spotting stopped, so
I didn't worry. We waited patiently for our first doctor's
appointment to arrive, which was at 12 weeks less 2 days. The
doctor couldn't hear the heartbeat with her Doppler device, she
asked if I put moisturizer on my skin, and I had, and was told
this interferes with proper sound. The moisturizer causes static.

My husband was not convinced everything was okay, I on the
other was oblivious to what could be wrong. I couldn't imagine
something going wrong with this pregnancy. God wouldn't do
this to us again.

Even when the doctor asked if I still felt pregnant, and up until
that point I had. My breasts were not as sensitive as they had
been, but according to the books I read this wasn't abnormal
reaching the end of the first trimester.
About one week later, I was spotting, heavier that the first
time. I was starting to panic. My doctor scheduled and
ultrasound for the next day. What a day that was, we first had
to go to the doctor's office to get the ultrasound documentation,
then run to the hospital to have the test done. I kept having to
answer what I thought was irrelevant info. When was my last
period, how far ahead did the doctor say I was, etc...All I
wanted to know was, "what the heck is going on". When the
ultrasound doctor said "I don't know how to put this", my
heart stopped. I couldn't believe my ears. I could feel the pain
in my husbands voice as well. This wasn't fair!!! It really was
not fair!!!! WHY!!, WHY!!, WHY!!.

I had apparently lost the baby at around 9-10 weeks, a missed
miscarriage they called it. We were told to go back to our
doctors office, she wanted to see us. At this point I thought she
would take care of the proceedings. Crying uncontrollably, my
husband and I tried to put ourselves back together again. We
had to get past a hospital full of people, walk a couple of blocks
outside to our doctors office, and sit in her waiting room. We
needed to find control, somehow we did. We met with the
doctor. She assured us that it was not our fault, we should not
blame ourselves, that these things happen. 30% of pregnancies
end in miscarriage. She talked about a few things, I can hardly
remember, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. I didn't
even want to live myself at that point. I wanted to disappear.
We had to go back to the hospital for a D&C. And to top it all
off we had to wait for the regular scheduled day surgery to be
completed. We got to the hospital around 1:30, and I was going
under anesthesia around 4:00. I went under crying, I woke up
crying and I've been crying ever since. Some days are better
than others. I've been home almost a week, I'll be home still for
one more week, trying to cope. Two days ago I cried all day
uncontrollably, today has been better. This letter is very hard to
write, I'm reliving all the emotions all over again. So many
things race through my mind like when my due date would
have been, what I would be like as a new mommy holding my
new baby. I did laundry the other day, folding some maternity
tops was unbearable. I don't know how I'll get through this.
Just thinking of getting pregnant again scares me. I can't live
through anything like this again. It's too hard. I seek comfort in
believing that my two little babies made it to heaven somehow,
in a way maybe they are lucky to not have to face the hardships
of life. I hope to meet them one day in heaven, right now they
are with their grandparents and other family members who
have made it to heaven. There will always be a place in my
heart for them. I love them dearly and hope that they know that.

Thank you for letting me share my story, and thank you for
sharing yours,

Yours truly,
Still devastated, M G-C

Update: Wed, 24 Sep 2003

Hello again,

My has time gone by. It seems like ages ago we were so
devastated, yet it also seems like yesterday. Since I wrote that
article a lot has happened. Later that year, July-2000, I was
pregnant again. The pregnancy was ectopic AGAIN, this time I
needed surgery. At that point I'm not sure how or what to feel.
I was afraid to have any emotion, I wanted the surgery done
and over with and I wanted to move on. Maybe my husband
and I were becoming "pros" at this, I don't know. But at this
point it was much harder on other family members than it was
for both of us. Recovery from surgery was 8 weeks long. I
never did get my waist back.

Time passed......Then in January of 2002 I missed a period.
"Oh No!" was my reaction. I wasn't ready emotionally for
another downfall. Secretly, I didn't want to get pregnant again,
I was afraid. Yet, we didn't do anything to prevent it either.
After the last surgery, the ectopic pregnancy was in my better
tube, We both figured we'd never get pregnant again, even
though we never actually said so.

So it all starts over again. Yes I was pregnant, now the trials
begin. We had to get to our first doctor's appointment. I never
thought we'd make it, but we did. Then I didn't expect to hear
a baby's heartbeat......yet we did. Could we allow ourselves to
FINALLY be happy????. NO, we were not ready. Anything
could happen, we had to make it passed the 12 week stage. I
told myself that after that I would relax....the 12 week stage
came and went, yet I was still not convinced we were going to
have a baby. Something had to go wrong, it always did (three
times before).

I was 36 years old, my doctor recommended an Amnio. I was
scared, things could go wrong, I could spontaneously abort, we
could find a genetic disease with our baby, what do we do???
We didn't know. We held our breath and went through the
Amnio., I almost ran out of the hospital when the patient ahead
of me came out of the examining room devastated and
complaining about how painful the procedure was. She scared
me!. When it was our turn, we entered the examining room, I
made sure the Doctor knew that I lost 3 pregnancies before, so
that he'd be extra careful.

Well the procedure was done, painless, it was May-2002 now, in
a few weeks wed have the results. All had gone well, we
couldn't believe it!!! FINALLY it was looking like being
parents for us would be a reality. I had to know, I didn't want
any more surprises, God knows we had had enough. Was it a
boy or a girl???? I found out, I was overjoyed. I'll keep you in
suspense, for now.
Well things were looking up for us. Finally 5 months pregnant,
I was able to start relaxing and enjoying this pregnancy. We
both did, we now tip-toed on eggshells.
We had one last scare at about 7 months, I bled a little. We
went for tests. Placenta previa is what they called it, the
placenta was still covering the opening of the uterus. I had to
remain off my feet for the duration of the pregnancy. I was
monitored carefully from then on. The placenta never really
moved out of the way, so I was scheduled for a c-section.

On October 18th, 2002, (the date was chosen by my Doctor,
there were only a few days a month that she had an operating
room, scheduling) our son, Jonathan Richard Chilton was born
at 8:18a.m. This day was also my first nephew's birthday, I was
18 years old when he was born, and he was turning 18 on the
day my son was born. Isn't that amazing! Jonathan weighed
3118 grams. The number 18 kept popping up later as well. His
Baptism was held May 18th, and his baptism was numbered #
18 in the parishes books. He's our miracle baby and 18 is our
miracle number. He's eleven months old now, he crawls,
stands, we are sure he'll be walking by his first birthday. His
two bottom teeth are out, and earlier this week his two top teeth
have emerged. Miracles do happen, he's living proof! I, we
actually, never thought this would ever happen for us. We got
two big dogs, because we thought we'd never have children.
Tia Maria, a lab/retriever mix & Sambouka, a
lab/Sheppard/rottweiler mix. Both dogs, especially Sambouka
are very protective of their little Jonathan. We didn't know
how'd they react, and we were pleasantly surprised by their
gentleness and excellent behavior.
Our home is complete, we really feel blessed.
Never lose hope, If there is a will there is a way. It will happen,
just believe.

I know that if you are reading this story and you recently lost a
child, you are feeling devastated and hurt. The pain is
unbearable, and it will be hard for you to believe that it gets
better. But you must hang in there, be strong. You need to be
strong, your future child needs you to be. Good luck and best
wishes to all of you. Thank you for sharing in my pain and my
joy.

- M.G. Chilton

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